Most people looking to have a Celebration of Life or Memorial Service do not have the same type of time restraints as a funeral, burial or cremation. When someone has first passed away, there are practical matters for a shorter timeline and perhaps a cultural or religious one. In the presence or absence of these customs a Celebration of Life can be held anytime after where the physical body is not present.
You can have the Celebration of Life or Memorial as soon as a week after death has occurred, two months or even a year.
People choose these different timelines based on a number of different factors. Some people will wait until all family members can be present or even for a different season such as the following summer at the family cottage or spring where they may be planning to bury an urn at the same time.
An event held quickly after the death is in some cases more healing, especially if it is sudden, traumatic or perhaps for a young person. Many people need to mark the occasion and start processing the grief. The memorial services offer the opportunity for family and friends to come together not only to grieve together but to support each other. It is extremely important that people are supported during this raw and difficult moment immediately following death.
Events held within a week or two, tend to be more somber. It is a completely normal thing to do, because it isn’t always a celebration. Often a death is simply that, an unbearably sad time.
Many people have moved toward Celebrations of Life and Memorials because it gives them more time to plan (traditional funerals being within 2-3 days), to personalize and to have an event where people are focusing on the good memories as well as feeling the pain of loss.
The more time that passes, the less emotionally heavy the event tends to be. Time does heal and the rawness of the emotion has dissipated somewhat.
For some this is more preferable, those who feel they want an event that is more lively and to really recognize a wonderful life lived.
A longer lapse of time may work better in the cases where a person has lived a long and happy life and dies naturally in their old age.
It is important to recognize our needs for healing which may be at odds with our wants. A funeral, memorial or celebration of life is a healing opportunity not for just one individual but many. And we are stronger when we come together in our time of grief.
No matter which course of remembering you take, your grieving process will not be a linear one. There are many available resources to assist the bereaved. Emotional and mental well being is most important in caring for yourself and allows you to be able to care for others.
Celebrations of Life Toronto is always available to those seeking advice on what fits you best and for resources in caring for your grief. We create beautiful gatherings that will provide comfort in the difficult days, months and years ahead of losing a loved one.
Diana Robinson
